Life Through the Len// Self Portraits

Just a couple of self portraits and a quick baby update:

Baby Max and I are growing and growing. He is measuring right on schedule! Not too big and not too small. Good Boy! I haven't stopped having Braxton Hicks contractions for a while now. I guess that's normal though. I keep worrying that he may be coming early, but I am hoping he will stay put as long as possible so that he can have all the time he needs to develop and grow. We have about 11 weeks to go until his due date--seems like both a long and short time away. I failed my first Gestational Diabetes test, so I am going in for the longer three hour test early next week. Here's hoping both the test and its results are better than the first round. Most of my pre-pregnancy health symptoms have been flaring up lately, but I am just so grateful that I can be carrying a healthy baby in spite of them. He is truly a little miracle!

We can't wait to meet our little boy!
L

Life Through the Lens// Daydreaming

Last year around this time we had our tickets booked for Disneyland and we were happily counting down the days until May 18th--the day we would set off for a sunny California adventure. This year we're anxiously looking forward to May 18th again, but for a much bigger adventure; one that holds a lot more excitement, nervousness, and anticipation--Max's due date. Obviously, the day may come a little sooner or later than that, but for now, it's the spot circled in red on our calendars.

Since sleep is hard to come by these days, I often find myself laying awake, daydreaming about what's ahead. The details are all a bit fuzzy... What will delivery be like? What will Mr M. look like? Where will we bring him home to? Though there are many unknowns, the important parts of the daydream are all there. We are going to love our little boy so much! I can just picture us all together, Dolly included, looking lovingly at little Max. I don't think I'll be able to stop looking at him, taking his picture, smiling, or crying when he is finally here.

Though I enjoy daydreaming about far off places like the streets of Paris or a sunny tropical beach, just picturing our little family at home together is the best kind of daydream.

L

Sharing My Story// Speaking Up

"The struggle is part of the story." I saw that quote on Pinterest the other day and it has really resonated with me. Sometimes in scrapbooking and blogging it's easy to edit out the messy bits, and only show the happily ever after moments... but those don't mean as much without the story behind them.

I've been silent about some things for a while, and like being stuck inside during this long cold winter, you can only keep things in for so long before they just have to get out. The cold weather and my ongoing battle with a weakened immune system have really been wearing on me. I haven't talked openly about my struggles with chronic illness for some time... I was meanly accused of making it all up for attention. Nothing could have been more embarrassing, hurtful, or false.

I've spent the last several years trying to adapt to a body that doesn't allow me to do as much as I would like. A body that catches every cold and virus it comes in contact with. A body that doesn't digest food properly, and struggles to absorb nutrients. A body that hurts most of the time. I'm not trying to complain or seeking anyones attention or pity, just speaking up about a part of my life that is real and challenging.  

Given all that I've gone through over the last several years, this pregnancy has truly been a miracle, and I've been amazed with all that my body has been capable of doing. I'm not one of those girls who can do everything; I have a lot of limitations, and that can be discouraging. Thinking about all the changes that are ahead can be really scary as I wonder how I will ever manage to do it all. I look to my sweet mother for assurance that things will be okay. She raised five great kids, even with limited physical abilities. Her ability to love and nurture was never diminished by any physical weakness. I'm working hard to take good care of myself and my little Max as we prepare for his arrival in May. Right now that means the floors are a bit dingy, the windows need washing, and the dishes and laundry wait their turn until I have the energy to get to them.

There aren't adequate words to express how grateful I am for the miracle of this little boy, and for a body that is working hard to carry him. I'm anxiously looking forward to getting over the ongoing colds and viruses that I've been fighting. I'm longing for the sunshine and rejuvination that Spring always brings. Nevertheless, I am trying to embrace this time for what it is, listening to my body, and slowing down--even though it feels like a snail's pace.

I think these are important parts of our story, and overlooking them would deny the sacrifices, miracles, and blessings of this special time in our lives.

L