Thursday, May 16, 2013

Life Through the Lens// Maxwell's Newborn Photos Part 1

I look at these photos and just find myself in awe... This is my little boy. This is my baby. He is here, I am his momma, and he is mine forever.

 I wish I had loads of time and brain power to collect my thoughts and compose a beautifully written post with these photos, but honestly, I just don't have the ability to articulate my thoughts adequately quite yet. I'm one who takes a while to ponder about life events and soak everything in before sharing my heart though the written or spoken word. There is just so much in my heart, and words seem entirely inadequate to express just how I feel. I love him more than words can say.

He is my everything. And now he needs me... so off I go.


Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Around Here// He's Here// And Even the Wind Blows Differntly Now...

Obviously I haven't been around for the last two weeks. In my last post it was Danny's 30th birthday, and we were planning to celebrate, but also wondering if we were going to have a surprise guest at the party. Indeed... Danny's birthday celebration was spent in labor and delivery. He didn't get to blow out any candles on a cake, but I'd say it was a pretty memorable day, nevertheless. Our sweet little boy, Maxwell Andrew Johnson was born April 23rd 2013 at 5:37 AM, just a few hours shy or sharing a birthday with his daddy. Now they each have their own special day, and next year there will certainly be cake and ice cream.

We are beyond in love with our little boy! He is such a sweet special boy and our lives are forever changed for the better because of our beautiful five pound miracle. I just can't even articulate the way I feel about being a mommy to little Max. This is ETERNAL LOVE.

I've taken quite a few photos and tried to maintain a good record of my thoughts over the last two weeks, but photoshoots and blogging have honestly been quite low on our priority list. Little Max has had a rough start, and we have spent most of our time just working to keep him here and healthy. We had been sent home after the standard two days in the hospital, because he had squeaked by on all on the standards, but he just wasn't ready to thrive on his own, and should have been kept in NICU. We spent the better part of last week back in the hospital, being readmitted late Monday night with hypothermia and severe jaundice. He required bili-lights to rid his body of a toxic level of jaundice and heat lamps to maintain his temperature . He wasn't eating or breathing well on his own, and required a feeding tube and oxygen to sustain his life. We are home again and the fight continues while he struggles to learn how to eat on his own and his body continues to catch up developmentally.

Before leaving one of the young nurses said how nice it must have been to have him early and not have to be pregnant  an extra month. Actually, no. I would much rather have been uncomfortable and pregnant than to go through what we have been through over the last two weeks. It has been the hardest thing I've ever experienced. Having your child taken from your arms and watching him struggle for his life... I just can't really put into words what that felt like. Being able to take him home again, hold him in my arms, and rock him to sleep... what a truly sublime joy this has been.

I stood outside the other morning looking at our beautiful garden of tulips, feeling a slight breeze in the air and soaking it all in. In that moment I realized that everything is different now. The colors are more vibrant, the world is simpler yet so much more complex, and even the wind blows differntly now... But I wouldn't have it any other way.

I am just so grateful to have our little Max here, happy, and working on getting healthy. He is such a sweet and special little boy. He is a fighter. He is strong. He makes me so proud. I am so grateful for the prayers and generous offerings of love and kindness we have received during this time.

My energy and time is limited right now, and I'm not sure how long it will take before I am up to posting again, but when things settle down a bit you can count on pictures, pages, and pieces of our story... of Max's story. It's a beautiful one so far.

PS: Sorry no pictures this time. I just haven't had time to upload them. You can see a few Instagram snapshots here if you like;)